Abby, I re-read my post, and it sounded a lot more preachy to me than I intended for it to sound. I do apologize for that. I shouldn't have written anything yesterday. I was beyond stressed about work - but, hey, I am a school teacher, and yesterday was my last day - finally!
I DO understand that you need to get her to come out of her cage sometimes. And, yes, it would be VERY frustrating. I, also, would be very frustrated.
I do not want to come across as knowing all the answers. In fact, I recently wrote about grey body language BECAUSE I am concerned about Ashlynn and the fact that I feel I am missing something in her body language, and I am very concerned that I am going to mess up her personality.
BUT - I do not think you have messed up Kiki's personality - I only mentioned that about Ashlynn because I am concerned that I will mess her up because she is a grey. Conures are very forgiving, and, anyway, I don't think you have done anything wrong. I just think Kiki started out being cage possessive right from the get go. Some birds just are.
Now, as far as what to do - after you wrap your head around the idea that you don't always have to be 100% in control of her, the solution actually becomes easy. This is the way my vet's lessons always go.
Number 1 - most important rule - Don't get bitten. Most birds, especially baby birds, and Kiki is still a baby, do not bite automatically. Biting is not their preferred method of communicating. If we don't listen to their other body language, then they are forced to bite us to get us to pay attention. After a while, they go straight to biting because we have taught them that biting is the only thing we understand. Every time a bird bites, it becomes more apt to bite again. So, above all, don't put the bird and yourself in a position in which it is likely to bite.
Number 2 - Positive reinforcement training builds up trust between you and your bird. This is straight from what the vet says in her training classes - so nothing I've come up with. I have to give her all the credit. She likens our relationship with our birds to a bank account. Every positive interaction you have with Kiki puts a deposit in your bank account. Every negative interaction takes a withdrawal out. Just because life happens, you WILL have negative interactions with her. You will inadvertently scare her, or she will HAVE to come with you to the vet because she has a medical need. The key is to keep your account with as high a positive balance as you possibly can, and the way to do that is to have tons more positive interactions with her than negative. This is where positive behavior training comes in.
Sooooooooooooo - my advice of what to actually do is to follow the advice given above by Parrotletsrock regarding clicker training. You don't have to use a clicker, but the clicker makes it a little easier. That is post number 9 in this thread. It is very well written. Eventually, after some clicker training, you will be able to teach Kiki to either step up onto your hand - or - and I would seriously consider this instead when stepping this particular bird up from either inside or on top of her cage - step up onto a hand-held perch.
Again, I apologize for the tone of my earlier post.